Huh...

So, what happens when your second game company dies in the formative stages? You do what all sane and rational people do. You buy a house. =P

Seriously, Heather (my wife) and I have been looking for a bit, and we found a house in Homer, Illinois that pretty much fit our needs. We made an offer. The sellers made a counter-offer. We accepted. I swear, buying our last car took more time and haggling than this.

It’s going to be a bit of a culture shock for me. The two places I’ve lived at for extensive amounts of time were at least 45,000 people if you include the student population from the local university. Homer is pretty much the size of the subdivision I currently live in. About 1200 people live in Homer. The school district is one of those consolidated organizations, comprising of kids from Homer, Allerton, Broadlands, and Longview, Illinois. Of those towns, Homer is the “Metropolis”. Champaign is only about twenty-five miles away, but it’s still gonna be different not being able to get something whenever I want. Homer pretty much rolls up its sidewalks at 8PM or so. Still, I look forward to it. It’ll be nice to own something for our money instead of dumping cash down the rent hole.

It’ll also be nice to let my kids play outside without being hassled by some juvenile delinquent whose parents are too busy to curb the behavior of their spawn. I have grown tired of being the only parent in the neighborhood who will actually stand up to people who mess with my family. In this day and age, too many people are too passive when dealing with any situation that could be considered adversarial. As a result, people whose family members are being little terrorists are not put in check and made to realize that their kids are out of control. This is a big disservice to both society and the people with the problems. By yelling at others, who then shrink away from them, the parents of dysfunctional children get to take the lazy way out of dealing with the situation. Other people go away, but they have to live with their kids. Heaven forbid they actually do the work of raising their children to be decent, moral people. Before this digresses any further and people get the wrong idea, I am not trying to be a racist, or even a classist. I have no problem with people be they black, white, Asian, rich, or poor. I have a big problem with lazy parents and the children their laziness produces.

Okay, enough with the ranting…

Wow… We bought a house.

peace… RHM

OK... Now What?

Well, due to the collective indifference of many members (myself occasionally included), the e-Publishing venture known as Shared Lobotomy is no more. Does this come as a surprise to me? No, not really. Am I disappointed? Yeah, kind of. I dug the vibe that five of us had started to generate and was hoping that we could push each other to the point where this would be a good thing for us all. Ah well, no real amount of money was invested, so nothing is truly lost except time.

So what does this mean for me? I’m not sure really. I would like to persevere and hopefully get published by somebody. Eventually, I would like to own a company and publish my own game system(s) and adventures. Will I do the partnership/collective thing again? No. As far as I’m concerned, it all comes down to me at this point. It’s my dream so I should be the only one to chase it. Let others chase their own dreams and live their own lives. It’s all good to me.

For the immediate future, I have three events for Winter War to put together and just over two weeks to do it in. Can I do it? No sweat. I have done much more in much less time. Beyond the convention, I now have a regular Feng Shui game to plan for on a bi-weekly basis. If I can spend one or two evenings every two weeks planning that, then all should be well with it.

As far as long-term goals go, it’s probably best to take it as it comes to me. What that means is I’ll have around a half-dozen projects in various stages of completion at any given time. My bi-polar nature sort of leads to my having a “look at the kitty” attention span, so starting a new project isn’t the issue for me. The key is coming back to unfinished projects and inching them toward completion. If I can get just ONE thing done in this regard, it SHOULD make finishing others easier. At least that’s the way it’s supposed to work, isn’t it?

peace… RHM

I Am An A**hole...

It’s taken me a long time to realize the above statement, but if you stare at something long enough, the truth will reveal itself. I make this blanket statement not because of any isolated or recent incident, but after making some very sobering realizations about myself based on how the people in my life act around me.

First, I’d like to say that I am very envious of my wife, Heather. She has a clarity of vision about people that I do not possess. For the first five years of his life, I had no real connection to our son, Marc. It took her repeatedly telling me that underneath his fussy, hard-to-figure exterior there was a really special little boy for me to actually get it. Now, as my son is getting ready to turn eleven, I am amazed on a daily basis in regards to his wit, his joy, and his thoughtfulness. Marc is a blessing that I am proud to call my son. My wife and daughter are also great blessings. I see what special people they are and how important they are in my life and I wonder what the hell they, or anyone else, see in me.

I am surly. I am un-medicated bi-polar. I talk a lot of shit and do nothing. I have friends, but it isn’t like they call me all the time wanting to hang out. I’ll admit as we get older, each of has other obligations that take higher priority. That’s just life. Lately though, it seems as if it’s always me doing the calling, asking what they’re up to and if they want to do something. Basically, about the only time any of my current friends call me is to see what the current gaming situation is. Is one happening? When? Where? Etc., Etc..

I look past to friends from high school and college and I have contact with none of them. I recently reestablished contact with my best friend from grade school and junior high. As friends, we were tight. Then, due to things going on in our various lives, we drifted apart. As I got back in touch with him, I got the impression that he was glad to hear from me, but that he really didn’t want to try to regain what we had. That got me to thinking about all the other friends I’ve had over the years that I have drifted away from and I came to a realization. No one wonders about me enough to call. It’s as if I am poison that people run away from, or at least keep at arms distance.

As I reread what I have written, it comes off as one big puddle of self-pity. Perhaps it is, but does it really make what I am feeling right now any less valid? I have no idea…

peace… RHM